


i can't hold down my love for you (it's overflowing)

by seclusion



Series: Ushijima Wakatoshi's Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 07:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23467942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seclusion/pseuds/seclusion
Summary: Oikawa Tooru is many things, including:1. a good volleyball player2. a playboy (on hiatus)3. a famous blogger4. a sworn enemy of Kageyama Tobio and Ushijima Wakatoshi5. a teenager (expertly & effectively) hiding his love for Iwaizumi Hajimeor, Oikawa Tooru on Hiding Your Crush: "It's harder than you think--it comes out in a lot of ways, like water overflowing from a sink."
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru
Series: Ushijima Wakatoshi's Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1688236
Comments: 79
Kudos: 259





	1. it's not fair

**Author's Note:**

> this is a companion to crushes? babe, i could never (unless it's you), but can be read alone.
> 
> things to know if you haven't read my other work:  
> Oikawa gives out love advice on a blog under the name TOTORU; Kageyama, while battling his first crush, comes across one of his posts. He reaches out to TOTORU, and soon they become online friends, unaware of each others' true identities. Iwaizumi has posted once on the blog anonymously (Kageyama's read it too) but has since deleted it out of embarrassment. At the time this story begins, Kageyama has just succeeded in confessing to Hinata, and is happily dating him. Oh, and Oikawa's liked Iwaizumi for three years. 
> 
> Sorry for the (kind of) long note, please enjoy!

“Makki, it’s not _fair._ ”

It was an exceptionally fine Monday, and Oikawa was having his usual lunch plus milk bread with Hanamaki and Matsukawa outside. The wind blew softly, rustling through the trees, and Oikawa swore he heard birds chirping. He hated it. 

“Makki-”

“What is it, Oikawa? I’m trying to finish this stupid paper. It’s due next period,” huffed Hanamaki. Matsukawa sat beside him, trying to help. 

“My online friend, you know, the one that has relationship issues? I told you about him before? He confessed and got a boyfriend!”

“Good for him.”

“It’s not fair! He told me that he only knew about his feelings for two months, while I’ve known for years.”

Matsukawa clicked his tongue. “That’s not how it works. Also, Oikawa, how do you expect to get anywhere when you don’t even have enough balls to ask Iwaizumi if he’s gay? Hanamaki, you should say ‘the time is now’ instead of ‘the time is present.’”

Oikawa muttered, “But I already know Iwa-chan’s straight.”

“You should still ask,” advised Hanamaki. “I think you’d be surprised.”

“I already know the answer! Iwa-chan’s not-”

“I’m not what?” Iwaizumi had arrived, standing right behind Oikawa. Oikawa tried to avoid thinking about how close his head was to his crotch. 

“Nothing, Iwa-chan. How did your tutoring session with Kindaichi go?”

Matsukawa said in a deadpan voice, “He was going to say that you weren’t gay.”

“Mattsun!’

“I mean, I don’t not like boys,” answered Iwaizumi, taking his place beside Oikawa. “Girls are okay too. I guess I don’t really care? Oikawa, why are you pretending to be interested in my tutoring?”

Oikawa hoped his face didn’t look too hopeful. He put on one of his signature smiles, ignoring the way his brain screamed _I have a chance! Holy fucking shit_ and responded, “What do you mean, Iwa-chan? I’m just wondering how you teach Kindaichi anything with that caveman brain of yours.”

Iwaizumi whacked him on the shoulder. “I get higher grades on essays, Shittykawa, so you can shut up about that.”

“Only on essays, though. I get higher grades everywhere else!”

“Iwaizumi, you’re good at essays? Help me finish this paper,” pleaded Hanamaki. “Matsukawa, sorry, you’re fired.”

Matsukawa put a hand over his heart as if he were just shot, and swapped places with Iwaizumi. Lunch passed peacefully as Iwaizumi wrote Hanamaki his entire paper, Matsukawa read his shoujo-ai novels, and Oikawa drafted his next post while ignoring the wild beating of his heart. 

Another gust of wind blew by, and this time Oikawa didn’t hate it as much. The breeze, stronger this time, ripped Hanamaki’s finished paper straight out of his hand and into the fountain nearby. Hanamaki wailed, loudly.

_The weather’s actually quite nice today,_ Oikawa mused. 

Later, as he was picking up Takeru after school, he saw something greatly unpleasant to his eyes, causing his mood to take a turn for the worse: Kageyama Tobio, accompanied by the short spiker on his team, Hinata something. They were wandering the streets, talking and laughing happily. 

“Tobio!” Oikawa called out. “Shouldn’t you be practicing?”

Kageyama looked up, surprised. He put up a hand to wave and- did he just pull that hand out of Shrimpy’s? “Oikawa! Uh, there was morning practice today.” Hinata glared up at Kageyama and reclaimed his hand. 

“Are- are you and that chibi-chan dating?” Oikawa knew his tone was bordering on downright mean, with how incredulous he sounded. He didn’t care. 

Kageyama’s face flushed, but he didn’t retract his hand. “Yeah, we are.”

“Yep!” chirped Hinata, completely unaware of the strange tension around him. “Hi, Grand King!”

“How did you of all people manage to snag a boyfriend?” Oikawa hissed. This was absolutely terrible. Utterly horrific. 

Hinata giggled happily, and Oikawa just wanted to scream. “Kageyama confessed to me after practice! He was so awkward about it- ow, OW, Kageyama don’t twist my ear like that!”

“Tobio, I _hate_ you,” snarled Oikawa, giving up being civil.

“Tooru’s being rude to you guys,” Takeru piped up. Oikawa had forgotten that he was even there. “I think he got dumped or something, that’s why he’s like this.”

“Takeru! Don’t say that!”

“Iwaizumi said I should say that if you were being rude to people.”

Oikawa stomped his foot and said, “Let’s go, Takeru.” He stuck out his tongue at the happy couple and walked off. He knew he was being immature, but he couldn’t care less. It was so, so unfair that even Kageyama Tobio had a successful love life. 

After dropping off Takeru, he went straight home to finish his draft. He desperately needed to rant about the unfairness of life to his loyal followers. In the beginning, when he had discovered the blog, he was tempted to leave a slew of malicious, anonymous comments. Since it was, of course, none other than Ushijima’s blog. The fact that it was quickly becoming more popular and well-known each day only served to inflame Oikawa further. 

It was only when Semi, a friend of his, told him he was an editor on the blog that Oikawa decided against leaving comments; besides, he knew nothing about farming or gardening. Semi told Oikawa that Ushijima made a lot of “friendships” posts in the relationships section, but nothing about romance. Apparently, Tendou, another editor, said that “Wakatoshi doesn’t extend his miracles to that kind of stuff”, and told Semi to find someone to write about it. 

There was only one person Semi knew that seemed to be able to write about it: Oikawa. His exact words were: “You think Shirabu or Goshiki can write romantic advice? Those two, who only worship one man?” Oikawa, of course, couldn’t pass up the chance to beat Ushijima at something, and he accepted his position as a guest writer.

Now, he regularly updated the blog with posts, taking requests when he felt like it. He constantly wrote about his daily life and experiences. “Ushijima Wakatoshi’s Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships” had become a sort of safe place for him to share his personal life and struggles with thousands of supportive people. Oikawa found that while he had a larger fanbase on Instagram, it felt markedly different than sharing his life through writing. 

To be fair, the pocket money he gained by linking products in his writing also increased his enjoyment a great deal. 

_[DRAFT] October Update!_

_(hellooooo semi this is gonna be an angry post thanks v much for editing hehe ly)  
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the October edition of TOTORU! Last time, many of you asked for me to continue with updates about my hot friend!_

_Also, I saw a request for how you can improve your physical appearance in small, simple ways. I’ll be doing a post about that next time (✧∀✧)/_

_So as to my hot friend: I’ve discovered that he’s pansexual or bisexual or something, he doesn’t really care. This is good news!! I never thought I had a chance. I’m a little ashamed to admit it, but I didn’t have the guts to ask before; I always assumed he was straight. If you guys like someone of the same sex, you should probably find out their sexuality. But now I think I entered a new dimension of pining ( ╥ω╥ )_

_Other than that, he’s still the same. Still the same terribly hot thing he became when he entered high school. Did I ever mention that? He went from adorable bug-catcher to growing six inches and growing huge arms. It was insane, guys. You know what, I might as well give a physical description so you guys can imagine him too._

_He’s almost 180 cm, with one of those super-sharp jawlines that we all thought Japanese boys weren’t supposed to have unless they were yakuza or something. And do you guys know what a volleyball uniform looks like? He fills out those loose jerseys and shorts so well. There isn’t anyone in my prefecture that can rival the way he stretches those shorts._

_He has abs, too. Like an actual pack of muscle stuck on there, all hard and defined. Those back muscles, too, whew. He’s so fine, front and back and all around. σ(≧ε≦σ) ♡_

_Anyway, to confess something: I’m actually angry right now. Today, I found out that not one but two people I know got themselves a boyfriend! ୧((#Φ益Φ#))୨They’re both gay, too! One of them is the most socially inept idiot I’ve ever met, and he got together with his little friend. To make it worse, you could probably call his little friend his soulmate, since they trust each other completely and are always improving each other. Isn’t that so disgustingly cliched? My poor little nephew was even corrupted. :,( The other one was my online friend that I met around a month ago! Give him some congratulations in the comments (✯◡✯)_

_This is all I have to tell you guys about for now, see y’all next time! <33_

Oikawa emailed his draft to Semi and sat back, satisfied. It felt good to hiss about Kageyama online (and to thirst publicly about Iwaizumi too). 

Less than thirty minutes later, he received a text.

Semi Eita  
> _bruh ur so thirsty for iwaizumi  
>ur lucky that ppl don’t know who u r its way too easy to guess who ur talking abt_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _omg i didn’t think about that  
>ushiwaka doesn’t read my stuff right_

Semi Eita  
> _no lmao he doesn’t_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _okay good  
>how much ad revenue is he pulling in every month_

Semi Eita  
> _srry boo that’s classified  
>also im gonna make u sound less bitchy ok  
>ur talking abt kageyama right  
>his bf is that orangey hinata guy ??_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
>i’m so angry at tobio_

Semi Eita  
> _i think they look cute together tbh  
>see look at hinatas insta  
>image923048239.png_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _that’s SO cute  
>FUCKERS I HATE THEM SO MUCH  
>(＃`Д´)  
>(＃`Д´)  
>(＃`Д´)_

Semi Eita  
> _relax bro ur gonna get ur happy ending wit iwaizumi  
>also iwaizumi doesnt go on here does he_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _iwa chan would never_

Semi Eita  
> _i swear tendou said he posted onec??_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _WAIT WHAT WHN  
>WHICH POST PLES SEND_

Semi Eita  
> _lol idk maybe i heard wrong i never saw it_

Oikawa Tooru  
>ლ(¯ロ¯"ლ)

Semi Eita  
> _itll be up in an hour  
>keep getting ur man oiks_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _bye bye~_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, Kageyama reads Oikawa's posts.


	2. juice right here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before, Hanamaki and Matsukawa, in an attempt to enlighten Oikawa, told him Iwaizumi had a love interest (him)* but Oikawa is dumb  
> *the post Iwaizumi wrote about was about getting over his crush on Oikawa LMFAO
> 
> it's around October at this time

Tuesday dawned bright and chilly, with Oikawa in a foul mood. The last thought he had before dropping off to sleep that night before was _Oh wait didn’t Makki say that Iwa-chan had a love interest? Shit_ , causing him restless dreams. 

“Oikawa, you look _ugly,_ ” Hanamaki commented, leaning on a stall door. Oikawa hissed at him. He’d done his hair in the morning, but he didn’t have anything that could fix his eye bags. Now, he was using Hanamaki’s sister’s concealer in a desperate attempt to not look like a goblin in a school restroom. New low. 

“I look like a goblin,” Oikawa declared. 

“Goblins are bald and green. Also, when do you get eye bags? You never get eye bags.”

Oikawa blended the liquid concealer with his fingers carefully. “When Tobio gets a boyfriend before I do, I get eye bags.”

“Him and that #10? I figured they’d get together before long.” Hanamaki smirked and took back the concealer. 

Straightening up, Oikawa turned to look at Hanamaki. Hanamaki immediately began to snort-laugh, covering up his mouth. “Shut up, Makki! It doesn’t look that bad!” Hanamaki _wheezed,_ and Oikawa decided to take another look in the mirror. It looked like he’d slapped mud underneath his eyes. 

“I, oh god, my sister,” Hanamaki struggled to speak between huffs of laughter. 

“Take your time,” Oikawa said in an icy tone. 

“My sister got a tan,’ explained Hanamaki. “That’s, that’s why it’s so dark. S-she bought a whole new set of makeup to match her skin tone.”

Oikawa bent over the sink, trying to scrub it off. Hanamaki handed him a makeup wipe, still wiping tears of mirth away. “Makki, how’d you know they’d get together? I couldn’t tell at all.”

“That practice match, the one that Kageyama skipped out on, do you remember?” Oikawa nodded. “Well, Kageyama was actually sitting in the stands. And #10 kept running up to him in between breaks to talk to him.”

“Well, that’s probably what friends do, right?” Oikawa pointed out. 

Hanamaki raised an eyebrow. “Would you do that for me, Oikawa?”

“Well…”

“During every break? Only if there were a cute girl next to me.” Hanamaki nodded smugly, his point made. 

“Was there a cute girl next to Kageyama?” 

Hanamaki hesitated. “Actually, there was, but you should’ve seen the way Hinata only talked to Kageyama. He was totally fixated.”

“Shorty was definitely in it for the girl. Your powers of observation for love can’t be stronger than mine,” Oikawa asserted. “I am the expert around here.”

Rolling his eyes, Hanamaki slung his bag over his shoulder and left the restroom. Oikawa tried to accept the fact that he, a certified Pretty Boy, looked like one of those recluses that had just finished an overnight porn binge. It was shaping up to be an even worse day than yesterday.

___________________________________

“So, Iwa-chan, who is it that you have a crush on?”

It was lunch again, and Oikawa’s mouth decided to torture him. He’d suffered through all his morning classes with a debilitating case of Overthinking: Who did Iwaizumi like? While he was occupied with his illness, several girls came up to him worried, thinking he was actually sick. 

“Oikawa, are you sick? You really don’t look good,” said the girl with wavy black hair.

The girl with cropped brown hair held out her arm. “I can help you to the nurse!”

“Drink some water!” recommended a third.

“It’s okay, girls,” Oikawa said with his Weary But Sexy Smile. “It’s just a case of lovesickness.”

The girls squealed. “Who is it? Are they in this school?”

“Ah, who knows?” He winked. “I’d appreciate it if you’d keep this under wraps.”

“Of course!”

Now, after running his mouth to all those girls, he’d decided to spring a question on Iwaizumi. Oikawa felt like a true Idiotkawa.

Iwaizumi looked confused, and his ears were beginning to redden. “What do you mean? I don’t have a crush on anyone?”

“Are you sure?” Oikawa dragged out the “sure”, trying to hide the hopefulness in his voice. 

“Are you stupid? I said I didn’t.”

“Tch, Makki, Mattsun, were you guys messing with me?” Oikawa narrowed his eyes at them. If they had been lying, they were responsible for his eye bags. And Oikawa could not forgive that. 

Hanamaki and Matsukawa had affronted faces on. “We did not!” protested Hanamaki.

“I never told you guys anything,” said Iwaizumi. 

“It’s right in front of our eyes!” 

“I said I never told you guys anything.”

Hanamaki and Matsukawa exchanged a glance. “Fine, that’s true. You never told us anything.”

Oikawa was very, very happy. Unfortunately, he lost control of his mouth again while reveling in the fact that Iwaizumi did not have a crush. His mouth, once again, decided to cause him misery. “Say, Iwa-chan, what’s your type then?”

Hanamaki gaped at him. Oikawa pointedly avoided his gaze.

“Hrm, I guess average height or taller, brown hair, nice eyes?” Iwaizumi seemed to be serious. Oikawa was thrilled. 

“Ah, I like mine with slanted eyes, black hair, sexy eyebrows, strong face structure,” Hanamaki hummed, staring straight into Matsukawa’s eyes.

Matsukawa leaned his face closer. “Mine has pink hair, short hair, and a bored face on all the time.”

“Issei!”

“Takahiro~!”

Iwaizumi ignored them and addressed Oikawa. “How about you?”

“Um, for my girls I like them shorter?”

“ _Shorter?_ ” Hanamaki and Matsukawa had broken their eye contact. “Oikawa, that’s your only requirement?”

“I don’t- I’ve dated all sorts?” As Oikawa fumbled for words, Matsukawa scrolled on his phone. 

“Iwaizumi, is this your type?” On the screen was a tall, pretty girl with long brown hair dyed blonde at the tips, standing next to Futakuchi Kenji. “She’s Futakuchi’s cousin.”

“Hey, she was next to Kageyama at the practice match!” Hanamaki commented, looking excited at his revelation. 

Iwaizumi furrowed his brow thoughtfully. “I mean, I guess?” 

Oikawa’s heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly. Suddenly, the air felt suffocating, although they were outside. He stood up abruptly. “I-I’m gonna go get some water.” 

“What’s wrong with him?” he heard Iwaizumi ask as he left. “He has juice right here.”

Inside, Oikawa took a deep breath and started to mentally berate himself. He felt so arrogant for assuming that Iwaizumi was describing someone that looked like him--so many people could fit that description. And Futakuchi’s cousin. She had such a nice smile, unlike the false ones that Oikawa always wore. She seemed like a kind, caring type, someone compatible with Iwaizumi; furthermore, they’d look amazing together. Tugging at his sleeve, Oikawa tried to push the thoughts away. They could come later when he was alone. 

Oikawa pulled out his phone to check his blog post. True to his word, Semi had posted it last night, less than an hour after texting Oikawa. He scrolled through the comments glumly, trying to cheer himself up with the supportive comments.

ilikekbbq  
- _don’t give up!!!!! we’re here for u totoru!_

chickenRun4ast  
- _I’m sure he likes you back, don’t worry too much :) after all, you’re TOTORU_

Maebe  
- _why is this guy so toxic b r u h_

Oikawa continued reading.

brin42_yes  
- _TOTORU you’re posts make my day I love it so much when I can read you’re writing it makes me so happy_

Machowchows  
- _I swear there was this other dude who wrote abt his love for his best friend…_

Hissing, Oikawa reread the comment. Some other blogger was trying to steal his spot? Below the comment, there were responses:

b1gbr1t  
- _lmfao same i rmr reading it_

Cxxy  
- _Yuh it was pretty well written_

chin.8.UP  
- _someone drop the link pls_

Machowchows  
- _I think it was deleted, I can’t find it anymore rip_

chin.8.UP  
-:,(

Oikawa was _seething_. Just then, a notification from voleybalseter popped up on his screen. It read, “Are you Oikawa?”

For a moment, Oikawa couldn’t process the text. He didn’t know who voleybalseter was, and neither did voleybalseter know who he was. So how did his online friend know his name?

voleybalseter  
> _Are you Oikawa?_

TOTORU  
> _yes, but how do you know?_

voleybalseter  
> _This is Kageyama Tobio. I guessed that you were talking about me in your latest post._

No, this was not happening. Oikawa had not been messaging _Kageyama fucking Tobio_ for the past month about his gigantic crush on Iwaizumi. It had to be some sick dream he was in. Any moment now, he’d wake up, drenched in sweat, and-

Oh, who was he kidding? Oikawa screamed and threw his phone across the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wtf is this chapter title?  
> also Oikawa's so stressed LOL


	3. what i do

Hanamaki found Oikawa in the hallway sitting on the ground and pouting like a child, with his phone beside him. 

“Oikawa, I’m sorry. Matsukawa shouldn’t have done that. It was a mean thing to do when we knew about your feelings.”

“Makki, it’s fine, I didn’t throw my phone because Mattsun showed that picture of Futakuchi’s cousin,” Oikawa cut in. He held up his phone, which had a spiderweb of cracks across the surface. “This is why.”

“Oh, it was only your screen protector that broke. Wait, your online friend is Kageyama? What’s this about your post? Does he mean Instagram? Your username is oikawatooru, not TOTORU though.” 

Oikawa winced at the barrage of questions. “I kind of post love advice on a blog for some money. I met him through one of my posts.”

“You never told me!” exclaimed Hanamaki indignantly. “I wondered where you got all that money for treating the team.”

“Makki. I told. Tobio. About. Iwa-chan.”

Realization dawned upon Hanamaki, causing his eyebrows to lift and his eyes to widen comically. “Oh, he’s _that_ online friend. Shit, Oikawa. You, you’re in deep shit, like the deepest. So deep submarines can’t reach.”

Oikawa didn’t even bother to respond. Instead, he pressed his palms to his eyes and curled into a ball, hoping that the situation would just go away.

Hanamaki reached out and placed a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. “Sorry. What are you going to do?”

What was he going to do? 

“Oikawa? Are you alright?” Iwaizumi and Matsukawa had arrived.

Oikawa raised his head and tried to grin. “I’m just fine! It’s only that my eye bags won’t go away, no matter what I do.”

Matsukawa looked unconvinced but said nothing when he exchanged a glance with Hanamaki. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, simply stated, “Disgusting.”

Relieved that Iwaizumi hadn’t caught on, Oikawa chirped, “Iwa-chan!” in an annoying tone. Iwaizumi gave him his customary smack and they headed to class together, steps lining up like always.

___________________________________

Oikawa had managed to focus on practice, and for those few blissful hours, he was free of stress and worry. But now, at home, it was all crashing down on him.

Sitting on his bed in his alien-print pajamas, he contemplated just locking his door and not coming out for the next three months. He assumed that Kageyama would figure out who he liked easily enough, and Kageyama, being the insensitive idiot he was, would definitely tell Iwaizumi. _And then my life will be over._

Groaning, he smushed his face into his pillow and kicked his feet angrily. Earlier, he’d taken off his cracked screen protector and put in a new one. He’d also swiped away five unread messages from Kageyama. There were also a few unread messages from Matsukawa.

Matsukawa Issei  
> _ik hanamaki apologized for me earlier but i have to say srry too  
>sorry oikawa_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _it’s okay, mattsun  
>i was just stressed that’s all_

Matsukawa Issei  
> _:((  
>yk u should rly confess_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _no_

Matsukawa Issei  
> _okay :(_

He tossed his phone to the side and re-buried his head, deciding to drown in self-pity. Oikawa would’ve stayed there for the next hour, but his mother called his name from downstairs.

“Tooru! You have a visitor.”

Oikawa slouched down the stairs to the living room, only to find Kageyama Tobio standing in the doorway. _Nope, not today._ He then turned around and started back up the stairs.

“Tooru, don’t be rude. He biked all the way here, you know,” scolded his mother. 

Oikawa sighed loudly. “Let’s talk in my room.”

Once they were both in his room, Oikawa shut the door and plopped down on his chair, refusing to look Kageyama in the eye.

“So, Tobio, what did you come here for?” 

Kageyama’s voice was neither as scathing as Oikawa’s, nor did it betray any anger. “Oikawa, you never read my messages, did you?”

“No.”

“I came to tell you thank you in person for being my online friend. I’m glad that it-”

Oikawa whipped his head around in shock, startling Kageyama. “Tobio, you came here to _thank_ me?”

Looking hesitant, Kageyama nodded slowly. “I think I was going crazy while I had a crush on Hinata, and talking to you and reading your posts helped me a lot. And you gave me the final push when I was trying to figure out if I should confess.”

It was incredibly difficult for Oikawa to process what was happening. Kageyama thought that he helped him? He couldn’t help but be flattered slightly. But there was one thing that had to be clarified first. “Th-then… did you figure out who I was talking about?” 

“It’s Iwaizumi, right?” Kageyama actually looked _ashamed_ , as if… as if he’d accidentally found out something that he wasn’t meant to know. Huh. Maybe he wasn’t completely deaf and blind to feelings other than his own.

“Did you tell your shrimp? Or anyone else?” demanded Oikawa. He had to be cautious, lest he get his hopes up for a better situation.

Kageyama had a shocked expression, which seemed genuine. “I would never!”

Oikawa felt a burbling sensation inside that he recognized as the bubbles of hope rising up. He tried to quash them, asking, “Why, Tobio?” 

“I-I don’t think it’s right to tell other people someone’s private feelings. After all, I wouldn’t like it if it were done to me.”

 _He’s not a tyrant king,_ Oikawa thought, stunned. Kageyama had always been a person that didn’t care for the situations of others, and Oikawa assumed that volleyball would be the only exception. 

After a moment, Oikawa realized that they had been staring at each other in silence. Kageyama had started to bounce up and down nervously, and Oikawa was mildly amused to see that his fingertips were beginning to tremble slightly. He coughed awkwardly and replied simply, “Thank you.”

At that, Kageyama seemed even more flustered. “I, uh, anyway. I also wanted to say that I’m glad that you were the one who I talked to about Hinata. I was kind of scared when I was messaging a stranger, so I’m relieved that it was you.”

“Tobio, shouldn’t it be that you’re upset that I’m TOTORU? Since, you know, I’m not really that nice to you.”

“Well, it’s true that you don’t like me much, but I’ve learned a lot from you, especially in volleyball. I guess that I kind of feel like it was an honor to talk about my problems with you” answered Kageyama. Oikawa reflected that he had always been able to read the younger setter like an open book, and Kageyama’s face was sincere. _Ah, my heart is moved. How cunning, Tobio-chan. How very cunning of you._

Kageyama began backing away, as if avoiding a wild animal. 

“Tobio? What are you doing?”

“Uh, I’ve said all that I wanted to say.” Kageyama cringed and didn’t meet his gaze. “I also don’t think I’m welcome here? Sorry for barging in.”

For some reason, Oikawa didn’t want to let him go. After Kageyama had poured out his heart and _thanked_ him and expressed his respect, Oikawa couldn’t just watch him leave, not without saying something first. He decided to trust his mouth and let it run loose.

“Stay.”

“H-huh?”

“I said, stay.” Oikawa tried to draw from his once-endless well of confidence (where had it all disappeared these past few days?) and added, “You said I helped you, right? It’s your turn.”

“Eh?” It was clear that Kageyama was at a complete loss for words.

Oikawa patted the bed. Kageyama, like a robot, sat down stiffly. “Tobio, we were online friends, were we not? Is our TOTORU x voleybalseter connection broken so easily? Since you found your true love, shrimpy-chan”--Kageyama blushed, all the way up to the tips of his ears--” with my help and loving advice, it’s time for you to repay me!”

As Kageyama continued to struggle for words, Oikawa considered that it might’ve been too soon for him to do a complete one-eighty. Maybe he needed to be a little mean too, like before. 

“It’s so I can have no doubts when beating you into the dust on the volleyball court,” explained Oikawa. He made sure to pair it with a cocky smirk, to make it extra convincing. Kageyama’s expression cleared immediately, storm clouds flying away. Oikawa laughed to himself. _He’s so easy._

“I also don’t want any doubt,” declared Kageyama. “Then how can I repay you?”

Oikawa grinned at him. “Keep talking to me!”

“Bwuh?”

“My darling kouhai, you heard me! Keep being my online friend. In fact, now that we know each other’s real identities, we can have even better conversations!” He paused for breath. “Also, I’m sorry for being mean to you yesterday. And posting about it online.”

Wait, what was his mouth doing? Kageyama’s was hanging wide open; any moment, it would start attracting flies.

Before Oikawa’s mouth could betray him further, a ringtone filled the air. The sound was coming from Kageyama’s pocket. Kageyama pulled out his phone and answered it.

“...Hinata?....yes.” Kageyama paused, listening to Hinata ramble on the other end. Oikawa watched with barely contained jealousy as the most lovestruck, sappy smile crossed Kageyama’s face. He’d never even imagined that his former enemy could look like that. He wondered if Iwaizumi would ever make that face. “A-a-a-date? Wait, no, Hinata, I’m not- S-Shouyou, I’m not saying no! Quit overreacting! Shut up and listen!”

As Kageyama yelled into the phone at his tiny boyfriend, Oikawa thought _first names? first names?_ over and over until he snapped to his senses and got out of his chair. Glaring down at Kageyama, he pointed at the door. “If you’re just going to lord the fact that you’re dating shrimpy-chan, you can leave now.”

Oikawa knew the number of mixed signals (did he want to be best buds with Kageyama? or did he want to free himself from all debt and grind Kageyama into the ground?) he had just sent in the last two minutes had confused Kageyama completely, but the first-year appeared to understand that he wasn’t driving him away out of malice. 

Once Kageyama had left, still wearing that stupidly happy grin on his face, Oikawa pulled out his phone and dialed a number.

“Makki~~, do I have something wild to tell you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanamaki and Matsukawa are good friends and know when they've gone too far :)  
> guys Oikawa's mouth has an amazing autopilot mode  
> it just keeps running even when he's in shock
> 
> anyway thank y'all so so much for the kudos and comments, they're super special to me!! :,)


	4. let's keep going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the crushes fic (first work in this series), Iwaizumi mentions how he was hyperaware of Oikawa after realizing his feelings in his blog post. This led to him having to avoid Oikawa at all costs for a while (the "strange period" Oikawa talks about), until he developed an Iwaizumi method to deal with it.

“Oikawa, so you’re telling me that you’re suddenly best friends with Kageyama?”

“Yep! Tobio turned out to be a really pure and good boy.”

Hanamaki sounded completely disbelieving. “You were bitching so much earlier about how you were going to die, and now you sound like you want to elope with him.”

“Makki! I told you already, he’s actually a good boy.” Oikawa smiled his Believe Me smile, although Hanamaki couldn’t see it through a phone call. “He’s going to keep my secret!”

“Idiot, that’s what any decent person would do.”

Oikawa paused. “You’d be surprised, Hanamaki, at how loose some people’s tongues can be.”

A silence from the other end. 

“Anyway, Makki, I’m going to continue talking to Tobio. Texting him while he was voleybalseter was kind of soothing somehow.”

“You can talk to us too, Oikawa,” grumbled Hanamaki. 

“That’s true, but you guys are always telling me to confess! I have no plans to do so. At least Tobio never pressured me to do that.” Sensing Hanamaki’s hurt, he hurriedly added, “But I’m still going to talk to you guys! Promise.”

Hanamaki huffed. “As long as you’re not super depressed, I don’t care. Now go do your homework, Matsukawa’s coming over in a few minutes for our hot video game date.” He hung up.

Oikawa rolled over in his bed and picked up his pencil, spinning it around and around. As his emotions cooled, he reflected that he might’ve misjudged Kageyama greatly, and that was probably the reason he felt a faint sense of guilty unease. _I apologized, didn’t I?_ he asked himself angrily. But a different part of him responded that he’d simply said it like an afterthought, after shocking Kageyama with his offer of friendship. An apology also needed to have the element of “how can I fix this and do better?”, he knew.

Next time they met, he decided, he’d apologize correctly.

___________________________________

It was a few days after Kageyama had unexpectedly visited Oikawa’s house when he made another mistake. The first mistake was when he’d ran away after Iwaizumi had expressed interest in Futakuchi--if Iwaizumi wasn’t so dense, he probably would’ve figured out why Oikawa reacted the way he did.

It had started after practice on the way home, when Oikawa had been texting Kageyama.

“Oi, Shittykawa, you’re going to hit that pole!’ Iwaizumi grabbed his arm and steered him away. 

Oikawa blinked in surprise, arm tingling where Iwaizumi had touched him. “Th-thanks, Iwa-chan.”

“Who are you texting so much anyway?”

“Jealous?” teased Oikawa. He was pleased to see a dull flush start climbing its way up Iwaizumi’s neck. 

“You wish, fucker.” Iwaizumi sped up his walking pace, refusing to look at him. 

Oikawa laughed and jogged a little to catch up. “It’s Tobio-chan!” Iwaizumi turned around in shock.

“Kageyama?”

“Yep~!”

“What are you texting him for? I thought you hated him.”

Oikawa paused. He hadn’t thought this far ahead. Scrambling for words, he blurted, “Just, uh, volleyball stuff.”

He was given a look that screamed _I don’t believe that_. “Really, Oikawa? Are you really giving Kageyama free volleyball tips?” Iwaizumi seemed to come to a realization. “Are you bullying him again? If you are, I swear-”

“I’m giving Tobio love advice! About, you know, his shrimp boyfriend!” Oikawa smiled innocently at Iwaizumi. “I would never bully my underclassmen.”

“Kageyama’s dating that #10?” exclaimed Iwaizumi. He was shocked, just like Oikawa when he’d first heard. 

“Yes! And”--Oikawa racked his brain-- ”I’m giving him advice about dates and stuff!” Before his mouth could spout any more truth-lies, he tried to change the subject. “Besides, didn’t you see their picture together on Instagram?”

Iwaizumi gave him a flat look. “You know I don’t go on that cursed app.”

“Old man Iwa-chan! You should see how many followers I have.” Iwaizumi gave a snort of disgust. 

Suddenly, Oikawa remembered something. “Say, if you don’t go on Instagram, do you go on blogs?”

“What are you talking about?” Through his denial, Oikawa could hear underlying tension. He smiled. 

“Perhaps… Ushijima Wakatoshi’s Guide to Farming, Gardening, and Relationships?”

“Hah?!”

He’d hit the nail right on the head, Oikawa could tell. Iwaizumi was determinedly not looking at him, and his ears were a furious shade of red. Running ahead of Iwaizumi, Oikawa spread his arms wide, like a fence.

“What the hell is that, dumbass?”

“I can tell you’re lying,” declared Oikawa in a sing-song voice. “You know what that blog is.”

“I don’t!”

“You do! Iwa-chan, I always know when you lie!”

Iwaizumi shoved his arms down. “You don’t, idiot. You don’t always know.”

“Then, when have you lied and gotten away?”

Muttering something Oikawa couldn’t hear under his breath, Iwaizumi continued walking, leaving him behind. “What are you doing on that blog?” Oikawa called after him. He was ignored.

“Tell me!” Oikawa ran after Iwaizumi and jumped him from behind, throwing his arms around his neck and clinging on like a giant koala.

He’d expected Iwaizumi to growl and throw him off, but he instead went stiff under Oikawa and stopped moving. “Iwa-chan?”

Oikawa carefully got off of Iwaizumi’s back. He asked again, quietly, “Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi just readjusted his bag and answered, “Let’s keep walking.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Oikawa tried to get a good look at Iwaizumi’s face. With a jolt of surprise, he realized that Iwaizumi looked embarrassed.

“Nothing, dumbass. It’s just that you haven’t really done anything like that for a while. I got surprised, that’s all. Let’s keep going.” 

It was true. Oikawa hadn’t had excess physical contact with Iwaizumi for months, after Iwaizumi had gone through a strange period where he flinched randomly at Oikawa’s antics. He cringed at himself. Why had he decided to harass Iwaizumi now? 

“Sorry, I won’t touch you if you don’t like it.” Oikawa was horrified to feel _tears_ rising up, causing him to stare at the ground. It was impossible that he was getting this emotional over such a small, inconsequential rejection. He’d liked Iwaizumi for years--there was no way he wouldn’t be able to handle this. 

Iwaizumi reached up and flicked Oikawa’s forehead, hard. “Don’t be stupid, Assikawa. Wait, are you _crying_?”

“I’m just tearing up because you flicked too hard, stupid Iwa-chan!” Oikawa spit out, hurriedly wiping his eyes. He didn’t dare peek at Iwaizumi’s expression. 

There was a short pause. 

“Then don’t say dumb stuff like that anymore, Crappykawa.” Iwaizumi waited until Oikawa was ready. “Let’s go already.”

When they got to Oikawa’s house, Iwaizumi told him, “Don’t stay up late again. You’ll get eye bags.” 

Oikawa thought he could hear an unsaid _don’t be weird again like you were earlier, come back normal tomorrow_ in there, but he simply smiled wide. “Aw, Iwa-chan is worrying about me! I’m so touched.”

“Shut up.”

Once he reached the safety of his room, Oikawa hopped straight into bed and pulled the blanket over himself, not caring that his clothes might be dirty. His fingers flew over the screen of his phone furiously.

Oikawa Tooru  
> _tobio emergency EMERGENCY  
>this is very veyr vye yre bad  
>do u rmr when i told u iwachan was acting weird af for a few months  
>so i tried not to grab him and stuff  
>well today i did  
>and he went frozen  
>which is okay but the bad part is that i was stUpid and acrualy almost cried _

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Wow, you sound very scared.  
>Why did you cry?_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _TOBIO YOURE HERE  
>idk why i guess i just felt rejected??  
>he didnt do the stuff he normally would with me like shove me off_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Oh, that makes sense._

Oikawa Tooru  
> _BUT HE NOTICED  
>THATS THE REALLY BAD PART  
>HE WAS LIKE WHY ARE U CRYING  
>I HAD TO TELL HIM THAT HE HIT ME TOO HARD_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Did he believe you?_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _do u THINK he believed me?!??!  
>iwachan is dense af sometimes but hes been with me my whole life_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Maybe he won’t think much of it.  
>Also, I don’t believe that he will think you have a crush on him, because suddenly crying is not a sign of love.  
>I think._

Oikawa Tooru  
> _wait tobio youre right lmao  
>ty~~ i feel way better now_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _No problem.  
>Recently Hinata has been asking if I’m antisocial since I never go out on weekends to the movies or things like that. What should I do?_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _do u do anything else besides volleyball eat sleep and school_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _No._

Oikawa Tooru  
> _...  
>shrimpys right but U NEED TO PROVE HIM WRONG ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _How can I do that?_

Oikawa Tooru  
> _actually go outside_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _The movies seem like a lonely place to go by yourself._

Oikawa Tooru  
> _hmm ur right  
>then ill take u!!_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Oh, thank you very much._

Oikawa Tooru  
> _paying u back~ ヽ(o＾▽＾o)ノ  
>are u free next saturday in the afternoon_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Yes._

Oikawa Tooru  
> _lets go then! (* ^ ω ^)_

Kageyama Tobio  
> _Alright._

Oikawa quietly poked his head out from under his covers. He was now mostly recovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HINATAS HINTING FOR A DATE WHEN HE CALLS KAGEYAMA ANTISOCIAL HAHA  
> to clarify a little why Oikawa is so hurt: Iwaizumi's normal response would be to push him away roughly, but instead he freezes up, as he would to a stranger--this is what bothers Oikawa so much. Being treated like a stranger by Iwaizumi and feeling like Iwaizumi has revoked his "you may do whatever to me because we're best friends and I'll just bully you back" pass.   
> (Iwaizumi is actually just flustered, Oikawa's incredible at overreacting)
> 
> anyway thank you all SO MUCH for the kudos and comments, they're keeping me going!! much love <333


	5. see me now

It was a good Saturday. In the days leading up to the friendship-date with Kageyama, Oikawa had made a list of rules to control his impulses. He couldn’t risk Iwaizumi connecting a few dots and figuring out his true feelings. 

I, Oikawa Tooru, also known as TOTORU, master of love advice, Instagram selfies, and making friends, will hereby obey these following guidelines for the express purpose of remaining sane and normal with the opposite party, Iwaizumi Hajime:

I will not stare at Iwaizumi Hajime for extended periods of time for no reason.  
I will continue physical contact with Iwaizumi Hajime as normal.  
I will not use petty tactics in an attempt to stir up envious feelings in the other party.   
I will not react negatively to the other party spending time with others. 

By Friday, Oikawa felt that he was doing well. He hadn’t stared excessively at Iwaizumi and he’d managed not to glare at the girl in their shared history class who always went up to Iwaizumi to talk. The normal touching and grabbing he’d done before Iwaizumi’s “strange period” had returned to him easily. Yes, he was normal. 

Checking himself out in the mirror one last time, Oikawa grabbed his phone and walked out the door. To his surprise, Kageyama was already waiting outside for him. 

“Tobio, what are you doing here?”

Kageyama blinked at him. “Aren’t we going to the movies together?”

“Well, yes, but you didn’t have to come pick me up.”

“Oh.”

Oikawa smirked at him. “Save that for your boyfriend, okay?” A thought struck him suddenly. “Wait, Tobio, did Hinata suggest the idea of a movie?”

“Hm, he asked me if I ever went to the movies and I said no.” 

“Tobio!” cried Oikawa, scandalized. Kageyama seemed confused. “That was obviously a hint for you to take him to the movies! Oh, how could I, the love expert, have missed this?”

“Oh.” 

“Don’t ‘oh’ me! Did you tell your shrimp you were going with me?” At the sight of Kageyama nodding his head, Oikawa groaned and covered his eyes. “Tobio, Tobio. When you next see him, you are to apologize to him, explain the whole thing, and ask him out on a date.”

Kageyama tilted his head, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. “But why?”

Oikawa gaped at him, dumbfounded. _It could take all afternoon to explain anything to this idiot._ “Let’s start walking. I’ll explain on the way.”

Setting off on the sidewalk, they began walking towards the mall, where the movie theater was located. Oikawa noticed that Kageyama had a longer, faster stride than Iwaizumi, causing Oikawa to speed up his own steps to match. 

“Okay, Tobio. How would you feel if you wanted to go, let’s say, Disneyland with Hinata, and you hinted that to him, and-”

“Why would I hint? I would just tell him that.”

Oikawa’s eyebrow twitched. 

“Not everyone is you. So, you hinted that, but then Hinata turns around and goes with, uh, that glasses guy from your team.”

When Oikawa looked over at Kageyama, he had an angry pout on his lips. Oikawa snickered. “So, Tobio, you’re going to do what I say, right?”

“Yes. Thank you for the advice.”

Oikawa grinned and slapped him on the back, causing Kageyama to choke slightly. “No problem!~”

They walked the rest of the way with Kageyama mostly talking, oddly enough. Oikawa found that, like Iwaizumi, he didn’t feel like he had to fill the air with his own words in Kageyama’s presence. He was content to listen to Kageyama babble about his boring (unfairly blissful-sounding) daily life with a boyfriend. 

By the time they reached the theater, Oikawa had discovered that they hadn’t kissed yet (“Why didn’t you kiss him when you confessed?” “I-I forgot!”) but had already progressed to the stage where they randomly swapped clothes (“How does that even happen?” “I don’t know, my hoodie just felt really tight one day”). Although he felt plenty of envy from hearing about Kageyama’s happy relationship, he was surprised to find that he was also genuinely glad for him. 

“Hey, which movie are we watching?” 

Oikawa and Kageyama looked at the wall, which had posters of the movies they were showing. There were only three playing in the next hour: a children’s movie, a horror movie, and a historical film. They exchanged a glance, then each pointed at different posters. 

“This one! I absolutely cannot watch horror!” growled Kageyama, glaring at Oikawa, who was pointing at the poster displaying a woman with needle-sharp, bloodstained teeth. 

Oikawa glared back. “I’ve watched _Trolls World Tour_ seven times at least!”

“Seven times?!” 

“Takeru might be a little bitch on the outside, but he’s still a kid! Whenever I have to watch him, he always makes me watch that with him,” Oikawa explained. 

They argued back and forth for the greater part of ten minutes, until the double doors of the theater swung open. 

“Oikawa? And… Kageyama Tobio, is it?” 

It was Semi. Next to him stood Ushijima, whose face betrayed no surprise at seeing them. Like stone. 

“We just finished watching the horror movie.” Kageyama flinched, causing Semi to laugh. “It’s not that bad, it’s pretty standard.” Kageyama shook his head. 

“Why are you with only Ushijima?” asked Oikawa. 

“Goshiki said his mom didn’t let him watch horror. Shirabu wouldn’t admit it, but I don’t think he can handle horror either. Tendou said he wanted to watch _Trolls World Tour_ anyway, so he took both of them. Reon actually likes historical films.” 

Oikawa said “I thought Ushiwaka-chan would like history too” at the same time Kageyama blurted “Doesn’t Ushijima watch history?” They looked at each and exchanged mental high-fives. 

Ushijima spoke up. “I am rather partial to the works of Stephen King, so after watching It, I developed a taste for thrillers.”

“Anyway, we’re going to the nearest bubble tea shop we can find,” Semi interjected. “Do you want to come with us?”

Turning to Oikawa, Kageyama asked, “Do you want to watch the historical film?”

Oikawa didn’t, but the alternative was willingly spending time with Ushijima. He hesitated. Was sitting through two hours of history worth it to avoid Ushijima?

“Oh, Oikawa, Ushijima won’t tell you to come to Shiratorizawa, right Ushijima?” Semi added. Ushijima, with a grave expression, nodded his head in assent. 

That sealed the deal. Oikawa was going to spend time drinking smoothies with his friend, enemy-turned-friend, and enemy, also known as the owner of the blog that he constantly posted on. _If Iwa-chan could see me now._

It was cold inside the shop. Semi shivered and muttered that he was definitely getting a hot drink. 

“You should’ve brought a jacket, since it’s already October,” observed Ushijima.

“No shit,” Semi retorted. “But you must make sacrifices for the sake of fashion.”

Glancing over Semi, one could tell that he had no fashion sense at all. Oikawa snorted softly and moved up to the counter to order. 

After he and Semi ordered, Semi pulled him off to the side. “You.. and Kageyama?”

Oikawa spoke fast, trying to explain the situation as quickly as possible. “Okay, so we met on the blog and became texting buddies. And then I found out that the guy I spilled my guts to about my crush was Tobio, but then it turned out Tobio was a good guy, so then we became friends.”

Semi just stared at him. 

As they sat down at a table, an awkward silence descended. Ushijima decided to break it. 

“Oikawa Tooru, how goes your endeavor of love with your friend?”

Oikawa resisted his natural impulse to spit out the mouthful of mango-flavored tea he had inside his mouth, instead swallowing it. He slowly lifted his eyes to meet Semi’s horrified gaze. “I thought you said he didn’t read my posts?”

“I didn’t think he did!” Semi protested. 

“How could I not read the posts of TOTORU, one of the most popular bloggers? Your writing attracted almost as many people as my farming and gardening posts did.” Ushijima seemed completely serious.

“How did you know TOTORU was me?”

Semi winced. “Did you sign up with your real name?”

Yes. Yes, Oikawa had. He distinctly remembered typing “Oikawa Tooru” into the space labeled “Name” when registering his account. 

Now, the important part. But before Oikawa could ask, Ushijima spoke again. 

“Does Iwaizumi Hajime return your feelings?”

Oikawa’s mouth dropped open. His life was officially done and over with. He was done and over with. 

Ushijima frowned questioningly at him. “Is it not him? I would have thought the one with ‘huge arms’ and ‘hard and defined’ abs and-”

“Yes, it’s Iwa-chan,” moaned Oikawa. “Please shut up.”

Throughout the entire ordeal, Kageyama had been experiencing his first cup of bubble tea. He finished his earth-shattering first sip and took another, then another. After he satisfied his tongue, he tuned into the conversation. 

“Ushijima, you won’t tell anyone about it, right?” asked Kageyama. Oikawa’s eyes widened.

Solemnly, Ushijima replied, “No. And I have not told anyone.”

Oikawa let the relief wash over him for a moment, then snapped his attention back to Semi. “I’ll forgive you just this once.”

“Thank you,” replied Semi, mouth set in a grim line. 

The mood at the table was once again tense and uneasy, but Kageyama was oblivious as he continued to enjoy his bubble tea. Ushijima didn’t care, like usual. _Time to change the subject._

“So-” began Oikawa.

“Since we are on the subject of Iwaizumi Hajime, can you provide us with an update? I must admit I am most interested in your blossoming love,” requested Ushijima. Upon seeing the probably-strange expression on Oikawa’s face, he added, “I regularly read your posts. They are very enlightening for me, and I believe I am what they say ‘invested’ in your story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> semi, don't worry, I don't have an ounce of fashion sense either. 
> 
> extra: Kageyama's first taste of bubble tea!
> 
> As he sat down beside Oikawa, Kageyama took the sharp end of the thick straw and examined it. How was this contraption supposed to work? One table over, a short girl with pigtails was holding the straw in the same manner. She quickly stabbed the straw down through the plastic covering. 
> 
> Looking down at his drink, a basic milk tea with tapioca, Kageyama observed that he had a plastic covering as well. He pushed the straw down with force, surprised when it pierced through smoothly. _Am I supposed to just drink it now?_ Kageyama bent his head and took a sip, eyes widening.
> 
> It was incredible. The tea flowed smoothly over his tongue, mixed with a few crushed ice particles. Then, the strange tapioca pearls came in, causing Kageyama's face to contort slightly. They were sweet and chewy, and paired amazingly well with the tea. Swallowing, he decided he wanted another mouthful. 
> 
> _Hinata would love this,_ he thought.


	6. can't let go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gossip girls cont.

Ushijima was a lot weirder than Oikawa had expected. Yes, the man was arrogant for always forcing his opinions on him, but he was surprisingly decent and well-meaning at heart. He couldn’t read the atmosphere at all either. Actually, what did he expect out of a high school third year who ran a farming blog?

Oikawa sighed and decided to indulge Ushijima. He gave a quick summary of the recent developments and sipped his tea, watching for a reaction. 

Ushijima was silent for a long time. He was in deep thought. Semi quietly tapped on his phone, while Kageyama continued to enjoy his tea. Finally, he asked Oikawa, “Why do you like Iwaizumi?”

That was a good question. Why did he like Iwaizumi? Surprisingly, Oikawa had never thought about it before, despite liking Iwaizumi for so long. 

“I think. Uh.” He was at a complete loss for words.

Semi smiled. “One of the reasons is because he’s good looking, right?” Ushijima nodded along. 

“Yeah, but it’s not only that.” Oikawa rested his chin on his hands, thinking hard. The rest of the table waited patiently. 

“Isn’t it because he’s always there for you?” suggested Kageyama. He said it like it was something completely obvious. Seeing Oikawa’s shock, he added, “You guys have always been together as best friends. Friends are supposed to help each other.”

“Yeah, but I don’t catch feelings for Tendou, even though we’re really good friends,” said Semi. 

Ushijima nodded again. “Semi is right. Instead, he has feelings for Shirabu, although they don’t have as much friendly interaction.”

Oikawa cackled as Semi moaned into his cup, cheeks reddening quickly. “Ushiwaka, you have no filter. None.”

“Was it a secret?” asked Ushijima, looking worried suddenly. Addressing Semi, he continued, “I thought that you and Shirabu were already together.”

“I- we are! But you weren’t supposed to know!”

“But Tendou says you were kissing Shirabu after practice, in the baseball field.”

“That was- I thought no one saw us! No one ever goes to the baseball field after practice, everyone lives in the opposite direction. What was Tendou even doing there?”

Ushijima frowned, trying to recall information. “I believe he said he was going on a ‘super spy mission’. At the time, I thought that it was just Tendou-language.”

Semi’s fingers were twitching as if they wanted to strangle something. Preferably Ushijima; Oikawa would love to see that happen. Unfortunately, Semi was obviously versed in the art of diverting attention, asking, “Oikawa, so what’s your reason?”

Two could play at this game. Oikawa was also a master. “Tobio, what’s your reason?”

“What?” Kageyama was busy trying to get the last few pearls from the bottom of his cup. 

“Why do you like Hinata?”

Instantly, Kageyama’s face flushed red. His next words came out in a rush, with no hesitation. “I like his, uh, weird hair and the way he looks when he sees me running towards him. Oh, I also like the high-fives he gives me after he spikes really well and him always meeting me after classes, even though he has to go the long way. I like his straight teeth, too. He says he never had braces before. I used to think his loudness was annoying, but, well, I still find it annoying but it’s cute too. And-”

“We get it, Tobio,” scowled Oikawa. “You have a wonderfully successful relationship where you both love each other madly. Well done.”

Semi was not letting go of Oikawa. “So, Oikawa, what are your reasons?”

Oikawa sighed. “They’re just like Tobio’s. Not the exact ones, of course, but they’re similar in the way that it’s not just looks that make me like Iwa-chan. The looks are part of it, but I think that I like his looks because I like him, not the other way around. Or so I’d like to think.”

“So there is no one, concrete reason why one likes another,” hummed Ushijima. “I see. Apologies for asking such an impertinent question.”

“Important question?” Kageyama was confused. 

Oikawa ignored him. “Yes, Ushijima. I like Iwa-chan for a lot of reasons that don’t really make sense. He’s hot, he’s stupidly nice to me even though I’m a brat, he bullies me while he helps me, he’s incredibly dense, and as Tobio said, he’s never once left me when I needed him.” He paused. “I also hate him for all those reasons.”

Ushijima cocked his head to the side. “Why do you hate him for the reasons you like him?”

“Why does he need to be so hot? I’m actually scared some girl will snatch him up. Also, if he wasn’t always there for me, I might not be so hopelessly in love,” groaned Oikawa. “He’s so good that I can’t let go.”

“So good that you can’t let go,” muttered Semi. “Oikawa, you’re in love.”

“I know.”

“Won’t you confess?”

“No.” Oikawa had thought about confessing before, of course. The thought of letting out all the choking emotions that wrapped around his chest and ribs was a tempting one. Some days, it was hard just being in Iwaizumi’s presence. But he couldn’t risk losing Iwaizumi. The comfortable friendship and deep trust they had was precious to Oikawa; he didn’t build up such strong relationships easily. Imagining the lighthearted teasing and afternoons spent together being replaced by awkward silences and lonely evenings hurt his heart in a way that the pressure of his feelings could never surpass. 

Kageyama, with his second cup of bubble tea, decided to speak. “I think you should. After all, you encouraged me.”

“It’s different, Tobio,” he responded, shaking his head. 

“It’s not really easy to confess since it took me two months, but I think you can do it.” Kageyama’s gaze was hopeful and earnest, and Oikawa could tell he truly wished to help.

He couldn’t help. 

“Let’s put it this way, Tobio. Iwa-chan’s been my best friend since forever. I know him really, really well. So if he liked me, I would know. And I can tell that he doesn’t, so it’s hopeless.”

Ushijima piped up. “Shouldn’t Iwaizumi know your true feelings?”

“Ushiwa- Ushijima, Iwa-chan is incredibly dense. I once saw this girl drape herself all over him for six whole months, and he never caught on. I try my best to keep it all in, so he would never notice.”

Semi suddenly snickered into his hand. “Oikawa, remember that one boy at the summer camp we went to together? He had a crush on you the entire time, and you thought he hated you! You aren’t all that observant either.”

“Shut up! How was I supposed to see that he liked me when all he did was insult me?” Oikawa was mortified by the memory. 

“Point is, you aren’t the love god that you think you are.”

“Hey! I know a great deal more than you do!”

Kageyama rose to Oikawa’s defense. “Oikawa knows a lot about love and stuff. He writes a lot about it.” Ushijima nodded in confirmation. 

Semi wasn’t backing down. “I literally edit his posts for him, and I can still tell that he’s bullshitting his way through all this love advice. Seriously, how does having a crush on your childhood babysitter make you qualified to give advice?” As Oikawa began sputtering in rage, he shot a fatal bullet. “How many people have you actually dated?”

“That’s- Semi, that’s not relevant! I like the bachelor lifestyle!”

“You seem to be pretty desperate for one man to relieve you of that lifestyle.”

Any trace of the tense atmosphere was gone as Oikawa squabbled with Semi for several minutes, until Goshiki, Tendou, and Semi’s boyfriend appeared. Oikawa decided that five people (Makki, Mattsun, Tobio, Semi, Ushijima) knowing about Iwaizumi was enough and took his leave. 

Oikawa insisted on walking to Kageyama’s house first, since Kageyama had waited at his house. Upon reaching the house, however, an orange-haired boy was standing in front of the door with his hands on his hips, looking angry. 

“Oops,” murmured Oikawa under his breath. He shoved Kageyama towards the door and began walking away quickly, hoping that Kageyama was so socially inept that he would be beaten up by his tiny boyfriend before being able to explain himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kanbe Daisuke.


	7. not from anything

‘Twas two days after the momentous reckoning of Oikawa Tooru, and the man himself was engaging in some recreational activities until he was rudely interrupted. In other words, it was a Monday afternoon again. 

Oikawa sat outside on a bench close to the neighborhood playground, reading a volume of Kimetsu no Yaiba. The soft breeze raked through his hair and filled his nose with a nostalgic scent, and he let his tears escape. 

“Oikawa?” 

He looked up, surprised. Iwaizumi stood there in a navy blue jacket, looking absolutely delectable. However, his face was drawn into a frown.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because ******u is, is dying,” blubbered Oikawa. “And he, he has, he has a-”

Iwaizumi snorted. Squatting down in front of Oikawa, he extended both arms and gently wiped his tears away with his sleeves. Oikawa blinked down at him, heart speeding up at the tender gesture. _Damn it, calm down._

“Only you would be able to smile and joke around five minutes after rejecting three girls but cry over an imaginary character’s death,” laughed Iwaizumi. 

“He’s not just an imaginary character!” Oikawa protested. “He’s kind and brave and funny!”

He was cut off as Iwaizumi gave him a shove on the side of his head with a “shut up, I get it”. As Iwaizumi got up to sit next to him on the bench, Oikawa asked, “Why are you here? I thought you went home.”

“Just wanted to see you,” smiled Iwaizumi. _Fell for an angel, that’s me,_ thought Oikawa as he fought to keep down his blush. 

“Aww, so sweet of Iwa-chan to miss me,” he covered up, batting his eyelashes. The smack on the head he expected never came. Instead, Iwaizumi just continued smiling and watching him. Embarrassed, Oikawa returned to his manga. _Iwa-chan’s odd today._

They spent some time in silence, enjoying the good weather together. Oikawa gradually realized that he was losing focus (from replaying Iwaizumi’s angel smile over and over in his head), so he decided to move his body. He placed his book down and ran towards the swings on the playground. 

The crunch of the mulch behind him told Oikawa Iwaizumi was following. He sat down on a swing and held out his arms. 

“Iwa-chan, push me!”

“What are you, seven?” teased Iwaizumi. He walked behind Oikawa and gave him a light push forward. 

“More!” Oikawa’s feet still dragged on the ground, due to his height. Iwaizumi grabbed both sides of the swing and went backward several steps, pulling Oikawa with him. When he released his hold, Oikawa swung forward, feet finally leaving the mulch. 

A string of giggles left his mouth as Iwaizumi continued, pushing him higher and higher. The whoosh of wind pulling at his cheeks and clothes left him breathless and giddy, head light. He became aware that there was another person laughing, soft and deep--Iwaizumi. Whether he was laughing with Oikawa or at him, he didn’t know. 

“Iwa-chan! I’m gonna jump!” Oikawa called out. At the highest point, he released his grip and flew into the air. He soared several feet and landed on both feet. As his feet hit the concrete, he felt a small jolt through his bad knee, causing him to stumble slightly to the side. 

Feet were running towards him. Strong arms supported his side and he looked up, seeing Iwaizumi’s murderous expression. “Oikawa! Your knee- damn it, Shittykawa! Why would you do this!” 

“Iwa-chan, I’m fine. I used to do this all the time, you know,” responded Oikawa, trying not to inhale too much Iwaizumi. 

“That was ten or eleven years ago! You didn’t have volleyball, or a bad knee, or- what if you broke your leg or landed on your head?” Iwaizumi was furious, face red, but all Oikawa could do was feel how close he was and think _Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, please be mine._ Oikawa mused that it must've been the swinging that made him let his guard down. Normally, he would never blank out in Iwaizumi's presence. 

Seeing that Oikawa wasn’t responding, Iwaizumi grunted and pulled him up with a gruff “let’s go, dumbass”. Oikawa trailed behind him with a few “I’m really okay, Iwa-chan”s and “I’m sorry”s, but those were waved away. 

They walked together quietly, through the small neighborhood, the tension in Iwaizumi’s shoulders never easing. Oikawa watched as the clouds raced across the blue sky and imagined patterns on them. He noticed that they were approaching the small green house that had always been there, since they played together as children. Neither Oikawa nor Iwaizumi, with all their childish bravado, had dared to go close to it. Oikawa had always said a witch lived inside, but he’d secretly thought that it was actually abandoned. 

“Iwa-chan, look, it’s that house,” Oikawa pointed out, trying to dispel the uneasiness in the air between them. 

Iwaizumi ignored his statement and turned around to look at Oikawa directly. Oikawa traced the strong lines of his face with his eyes, reviewing what he’d always known. Iwaizumi cleared his throat.

“Oikawa. Do you like me?”

He knew. Iwaizumi knew. But how? When did he know? Who told him? Those questions could wait for later. Right now, Oikawa was going to deal with the crisis at hand by doing what he’d always done when Iwaizumi was involved. Run away, avoid, deny. 

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa forced a laugh out of his throat, hating the way it sounded like a sob. 

It was obvious Iwaizumi wasn’t fooled at all. Stepping forward, he began, “Crappyka-”

Before he could finish his insult, Oikawa bolted. He sprinted down the sidewalk, expecting Iwaizumi to come running after him, but there were no tell-tale footsteps. Fine then. All for the better. He tried to push down the conflicting emotions of relief and disappointment. There was no time for that. 

Oikawa didn’t slow down until he reached his house. Throwing open the front door, he hurtled up the stairs into his room and collapsed on his bed, chest heaving. 

Stupid.

Idiot.

Coward. 

There were a thousand insults he could think of to describe himself, but they wouldn’t do anything but remind him of Iwaizumi. Sighing, Oikawa picked up his phone and dialed Kageyama’s number for the first time. 

When Kageyama didn’t pick up, Oikawa left a voicemail. “Tobio, come over. P-please.”

Then he dived beneath his covers and let out a long moan of despair.

___________________________________

About an hour later (or two? three?) a knock came at his door. “Come in,” mumbled Oikawa, muffled from his blankets. Kageyama walked in and carefully shut his door, then sat down in a chair.

Oikawa suddenly bounced up and threw back his blankets. “Tobio, I am _ruined_.” Not only his face, of course. Oikawa had cried his eyes out already, and he knew his face was red and blotchy, with swollen eyes. 

“Why?” There was concern in Kageyama’s voice, although his face looked completely stiff. 

“Iwa-chan asked if I liked him. He knows! He knows I like him and it’s all over!”

“What? I thought you said he didn’t--well, he only asked. You could tell him no.” Oikawa knew Kageyama was trying to help, judging from his serious expression and tone. 

He sighed and patted Kageyama’s head. “Iwa-chan’s my best friend. I could never lie to him successfully. He already knows, since I ran off.”

“You ran off?” Kageyama looked deeply confused. 

“Yes, I ran away. What else was I supposed to do?”

Kageyama blinked. “You- I don’t really know what else you could’ve done, but you don’t ever run away, Oikawa. Not from anything.”

Not from anything, huh. That was partly true--Oikawa had always met a challenge head-on. He’d always had Iwaizumi by his side, to support him and beat him up when he was about to give up. But now, when the challenge was Iwaizumi himself, what was Oikawa supposed to do?

“I only run from Iwa-chan.” He sat on the bed, defeated. Silence ballooned up and filled the room for several minutes, until it was popped by another knock on the door. Oikawa immediately dived beneath the covers. 

Kageyama got up to answer the door and returned bearing a tray of… cookies? And milk? In spite of his distress, Oikawa smiled. His mom always knew when her children were having a mental breakdown. 

He bit into a cookie and watched Kageyama eagerly drink the milk. After several gulps, Kageyama asked, “Why didn’t you ask Hanamaki or Matsukawa to come?”

“Makki has his stupid grocery store part-time job, and Mattsun says Mondays are family nights. Whatever that means.”

“Oh. You should’ve called Semi, then.” 

Oikawa frowned. “Did I take you away from something? Were you supposed to be somewhere?” He gasped. “Heaven forbid, you were on a date with your chibi-chan? Tell me you weren’t!”

“I- no, it’s not any of that. It’s just that, I, well, I don’t really know how to help you,” Kageyama mumbled, avoiding Oikawa’s eyes. 

“Tobio.” Kageyama didn’t look at him. “Tobio, look at me.” Still hiding. “Kageyama Tobio, look into my ugly-ass swollen eyeballs, or god I will smack the _shit_ out of you.”

Kageyama finally raised his eyes up and met his gaze. “Tobio, we are friends. Friends! Do I need to spell it out for you?”

Kageyama shook his head. 

“Good. Now, I need you to understand that you are not a replacement for Hanamaki or Matsukawa. They’re my friends, but so are you. Even if they didn’t have places they needed to be, you would still be my first choice. Got that?”

A nod. “But, Oikawa, I can’t really-”

Oikawa held up a hand. “This situation is not solvable. Tell me, what can you do by sitting here and talking to me? Will Iwa-chan magically like me back? Will Iwa-chan forget about everything? No!”

“I can’t make you feel better.”

Kageyama’s voice was quiet and timid, and Oikawa was struck by how unconfident he seemed. At Oikawa’s silence, Kageyama continued. 

“You helped me a lot with Hinata, and I can’t help you with Iwaizumi.”

“Tobio. You know all that stuff about paying back a debt and everything was just me bullshitting you, right?” Kageyama’s eyes widened. “I just wanted to keep you as a friend, and that was the only way I could think of at the time.”

The flow of words coming out of Oikawa’s mouth wasn’t stopping, and he wished that he could speak this normally with Iwaizumi. “Besides, you are making me feel better, just by being here. You don’t need to talk to me or give advice or anything. Sitting and listening to me bitch my heart out is enough. You got that, Tobio?”

Kageyama seemed completely stunned and gave him a nod. Oikawa huffed out a laugh and offered him a cookie, which he took. The two boys sat in an alien-decor room, eating cookies and drinking milk and thinking of crushes and love and relationships. 

It wasn’t until they’d finished off the cookies and Kageyama had left that Oikawa remembered he’d forgotten his copy of Kimetsu no Yaiba on the park bench.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi's not that dense. :)


	8. 'cause it's you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read the first work in this series, please read the second chapter [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344765/chapters/55940857#workskin) before reading this chapter.

Third period. Japanese. That was the problem. 

After Japanese, Iwaizumi always met Oikawa at the door, since Oikawa’s teacher always held them after class for about thirty seconds. And he was sure that Iwaizumi would come again, like normal. 

It was anything but normal. For the first time, Oikawa had actually avoided Iwaizumi. He found that it was easier than he’d expected--he just hid out in the bathroom until classes started. 

He looked wrecked, too. Oikawa hadn’t been able to sleep until four in the morning. Even while in the bathroom, he’d been too preoccupied with worrying about Iwaizumi to fix his hair slightly. Now, he was paying the price. All the fangirls in his class looked like they were ready to pounce, and he was sure he’d be attacked without hesitation the moment class was dismissed. 

“King of eye bags, pass me your eraser,” Hanamaki whispered, holding out an expectant hand. 

“Fuck _off,_ Makki,” Oikawa hissed back. He threw the eraser with more force than necessary and slammed his textbook shut. Eyeing the clock, he saw that there was only five minutes left. The only option left to escape the girls and Iwaizumi was to leave early. He started tapping his feet and clicking his pen in the hopes that it would annoy his teacher, since his teacher had a penchant for sending disruptive students outside to self-reflect. 

Oikawa deeply regretted befriending his teacher earlier that year. Her fingers were twitching from all the noise he was making, but she steadfastly refused to even glance in his direction. 

Three minutes left. 

Oikawa threw his hand up desperately, actually bouncing slightly in his seat. His teacher finally made eye contact. “Oikawa?”

“I don’t feel well.” Oikawa tried to make himself a little green, but he didn’t think he could change skin tone at will. Whatever strange face he was making must’ve convinced the teacher though, because she nodded and motioned for him to leave. 

Packing up his belongings, Oikawa made his way to the door as swiftly as he could, ignoring Hanamaki’s giggles behind him. Once outside the classroom, he breathed a sigh of relief and began walking to the exit. Today, he would skip school for the first time ever.

The sound of sneakers slapping against tile rapidly approaching him made him turn. Unfortunately for Oikawa, it was Iwaizumi running at him, face set and determined, clutching a small bag. Without missing a beat, Oikawa himself started running. 

For the first two minutes, Oikawa thought that he was safe-- after all, Iwaizumi had never beat him in short distance sprints. He shoved open the front door and pounded down the pavement. 

Then the lack of sleep began to affect him, and Oikawa was forced to slow down slightly. He hoped that he’d put enough distance between him and Iwaizumi to lose him if he turned a corner. Glancing behind him, he saw that there were a good fifty meters between them, but it wasn’t enough. _Ah shit, wasn’t Iwaizumi always the best at long distance in athletic festivals? I’m fucked._

Sure enough, before long Oikawa felt a hand grab his wrist with an iron grip, pulling him to a stop. He whined, “Iwa-chan, that hurts! Let go!”

“You’ll just run away,” panted Iwaizumi, beads of sweat rolling down his face. Oikawa shoved down his instinct to drool over how sexy he looked to focus on how to escape. He realized that he should’ve tossed his bag to minimize weight. Should he cover his ears to drown out all interaction? 

Tugging at Oikawa, Iwaizumi tried to lead him somewhere. “Come on, idiot! We’re in the middle of a street!” Sure enough, they were standing in front of a candy shop, attracting curious stares with their ridiculous appearance. 

Oikawa gave up and let Iwaizumi bring him into the small candy shop. Inside, the walls were decorated with colorful candy-themed stickers, lined with racks full of lollipops and chocolates. Iwaizumi shifted his grip from holding Oikawa’s wrist to his hand and asked, “What do you want here?”

All of a sudden, Oikawa was tongue-tied. “Uhm… the bunny candies?” _Iwa-chan’s holding my hand holy shit but wait he’s only doing this so he can keep me prisoner without looking weird don’t get any dumb ideas Tooru no but this feels kind of like a date SHUT UP ME._

Iwaizumi frowned at him. “You have those at home, don’t you? “

“Yeah, I do,” croaked Oikawa, throat dry. Iwaizumi huffed and picked up two packets of chocolate, one milk and one dark. Walking up to the counter, he gave Oikawa a look that said “If you run, I will skin you alive and feed your remains to your fangirls” and released his hand. Pulling out his wallet from his pocket, he ignored Oikawa’s protests about him paying and instead smiled at the confused-looking cashier as he handed over the cash.

“W-would you like these lollipops? They’re free,” offered the cashier, holding up two small heart-shaped lollipops. Oikawa remained silent while Iwaizumi nodded and thanked her. 

They walked together, each sucking on a lollipop. Nearby bystanders clucked their tongues at seeing two high school boys skipping class and eating candy. At the sight of a small park, Iwaizumi sat down on the cool grass and motioned for Oikawa to sit as well.

“Shittykawa, you forgot your book.” Iwaizumi held out the small bag that he’d been holding onto the entire time. 

Oikawa took the bag. Inside was the copy of Kimetsu no Yaiba he’d left on the playground bench yesterday. His eyes prickled as he thought of how he’d run away from Iwaizumi, yet Iwaizumi had gone all the way to pick up his forgotten book. “Thanks,” he murmured quietly. 

“Oikawa, I…” Iwaizumi swallowed and started again. “I asked you if you liked me yesterday-”

“And you didn’t get an answer, right?” Oikawa cut him off, voice working again. “I thought me running off was answer enough. Do you really need me to say it out loud?” He knew he sounded bitter, but he couldn’t hold it in. 

Iwaizumi flinched and looked away. It was all too much for Oikawa, who felt like his heart was being squeezed and picked apart. He got up to leave, holding his book under his arm. He’d walked five steps before he heard-

“Tooru.”

The use of his given name shocked Oikawa into stopping. He turned to look at Iwaizumi, who _oh. Iwa-chan looks so, so sad. Did I do that? Not me, right? I couldn’t have._

Oikawa’s eyes were now swimming with tears and he swiped at him angrily. “What is it, _Iwaizumi_?”

“Do you hate me?” 

He swore he heard something breaking-- he supposed it was himself. Iwaizumi thought Oikawa hated him? Unfeasible, impossible, incomprehensible. Never.

“I just want-- we don’t have to stay friends, I just don’t want you to hate me.” Iwaizumi’s voice cracked at the end. 

Oikawa dived at him, shoving him down. With both hands pinning Iwaizumi down and tears splashing down, he choked out, “Iwa-chan, I- I like you! I would never hate you. Never never never ever!”

Frozen in shock, Iwaizumi let Oikawa’s tears splatter his face and mingle with his own. “You like me?”

“Yes, stupid Iwa-chan! I fucking like you! I’ve liked you since junior high, dammit!” Oikawa let the swell of emotion crash over him, sparking in his chest and shaking him down to the tips of his fingers. 

Iwaizumi shot up, sending Oikawa sprawling. He stood over Oikawa and pointed down at him, index finger trembling in rage. “You-you-you Assikawa! I thought you ran away because you didn’t like me and you figured out that I liked you! And you hated me for that!”

It was now Oikawa’s turn to be shocked. _Iwa-chan just said he liked me. Is this a dream? Have aliens taken over? This must some Matrix-type shit._ He could only sit there as Iwaizumi continued to spit words down at him.

“Who are you to drag me around like that, goddamnit! You can’t just- you can’t just tell me you’ve liked me since freaking _junior high_ after letting me think that you hate me! And all those stupid confusing hints!”

“Hints?” God, Oikawa was only capable of a single word. 

Iwaizumi glared at him. “Yes, hints! What was that, running away after I said that Futakuchi girl was hot? Matsukawa said that was clearly jealousy, but then I see you hanging out with Kageyama, who’s besties with her. You also went and cried when you asked if you couldn’t touch me anymore. What the hell was that supposed to be?”

The spark in his chest was growing, fanned by Iwaizumi’s impassioned speech. Still, Oikawa couldn’t manage more than a few words. “Iwa-chan’s not dense.”

Iwaizumi actually began rolling up his sleeves. “I’m not the dense one here,” he snarled. “I’m not the playboy extraordinaire that has ten million fangirls and can’t notice that his best friend literally hates them. I’m not the complete dumbass that doesn’t see that someone he’s known for over ten years suddenly can’t even look him in the eye.”

He slammed a fist down into the grass directly to the right of Oikawa’s head, causing him to jolt away in shock. Oikawa retaliated by weakly punching Iwaizumi’s shoulder and squirming out from underneath to stand. Before Iwaizumi could grab him and put him into a headlock, he stuck out both hands and shoved him roughly, forcing Iwaizumi to stumble backward several steps. 

“Who the hell starts out a confession by asking if the other likes _them_?” screeched Oikawa, the spark transforming into a roaring fire, smashing his defenses and burning down all his reservations. He leapt forward and tried kneeing Iwaizumi in the thigh, but miscalculated and smacked his forehead into Iwaizumi’s chin instead. 

Iwaizumi took advantage of his pain and put him into a merciless headlock. “That hurt, Crappykawa!”

“You deserve it!” Oikawa squealed, trying to use his hands to free himself. 

They stayed that way for a few minutes, shouting insults at each other and struggling. Iwaizumi’s iron hold tightened until Oikawa found himself gasping for breath, clawing at his muscled forearm. “...can’t breathe, please, let go,” he wheezed. 

Iwaizumi immediately released him and he fell to his knees, trying to catch his breath. Oikawa felt a hand on his back and heard a muttered “sorry” from above. 

“Break it up, boys.” A grumpy looking middle-aged man was standing in front of them, hands on hips. 

Oikawa ignored him and rolled over. He reached up to grab Iwaizumi’s tie and pulled him down to eye level. Searching his green-brown eyes, Oikawa cupped Iwaizumi’s flushed cheeks. When he found what he was looking for, he shut his eyes and leaned forward slightly, trusting that Iwaizumi would meet him in the middle. 

Warm, cherry lollipop-flavored lips met his, melting Oikawa down and making his knees shake. He shifted his hands from Iwaizumi’s cheeks to tangle in his hair, deepening the kiss. 

When they pulled apart, breathless and shaky, there was a shine in Iwaizumi’s eyes that made Oikawa feel all fuzzy and _mmph_ inside. “That was salty,” breathed Iwaizumi, laughing slightly.

“Shut up, Iwa-chan,” he giggled back. Oikawa leaned forward and buried his face in Iwaizumi’s shoulder, who was now plopped down on the grass as well. “We’re both stupid, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, we really are.”

The grumpy man sniffed and grumbled, “stupid youth these days” before walking away. Oikawa thought he heard a small child’s voice laughing in the distance. He suddenly became aware of how strange they must look to all the passerby, fresh out of a fight. 

“Look at us, fighting and kissing in public,” smirked Oikawa, propping his chin on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. 

Iwaizumi grinned back, making Oikawa’s heart do another flip. _Damn, I thought you were already gone after all that,_ he thought to his heart. “That’s us all right,” he replied. 

Us. Together. “We’re boyfriends, right?”

“Well, I never asked you out officially,” Iwaizumi pointed out. He shifted his position so he was kneeling on one knee, as if he were proposing. “Thankfully I picked out the equivalent of roses earlier.”

Iwaizumi reached over and picked up the two bags of chocolate he’d bought from the candy shop earlier. Holding them out, he cleared his throat and said, “Oikawa Tooru, my childhood best friend and current best friend, will you go out with me?”

Laughing, Oikawa snatched up the milk chocolate and threw his arms around Iwaizumi. “Yes, Iwa-chan. Yes yes yes yes.”

“You have no idea how many times I practiced that,” mumbled Iwaizumi. 

“It was perfect, Iwa-chan! Absolute perfection. As perfect as me, actually! Good job on asking me out so it matches me!” Oikawa gloated, bouncing up and down happily. He dodged Iwaizumi’s incoming smack and ripped open the packet of chocolates. “Try one!”

“Oik- mmph!” Iwaizumi chewed for a second on the chocolate Oikawa shoved into his mouth. “Oh, this is good. It’s the right sweetness.”

“As sweet as me, right?” Oikawa gave him a wink and received another smack. 

And that was how Hanamaki and Matsukawa found them, dirty and disheveled, teasing and eating chocolates. 

“Feeling a lot better, huh?” Hanamaki addressed Oikawa. At Iwaizumi’s inquisitive glance, he explained, “Oikawa nearly bit my head off this morning for asking for an eraser.”

“Oh, be quiet Makki, I was under a lot of stress,” huffed Oikawa. 

Matsukawa just smiled his lazy smile. “All’s well in the world now?”

Oikawa felt Iwaizumi’s strong hand in his, supporting and unyielding. “Yes, all is awesome and good and fair.”

. . .

Epilogue:

Once again, they were standing inside the candy shop, hand in hand. Iwaizumi was pulled along this time by Oikawa as they meandered through the store, looking at displays. 

Oikawa picked up a box of Pocky. “Look, Iwa-chan, it’s a rare flavor! It’s called Otona no Milk!”

“That sounds disgusting, trash-Tooru,” responded Iwaizumi, wrinkling his nose. 

“Trash-Tooru just doesn’t sound the same,” Oikawa laughed. He set down the Otona no Milk Pocky and picked up a handful of soybean Kit Kats, inspecting them.

“I’m trying to think of better names. I think I’ll ask Hanamaki and Matsukawa tomorrow.”

Walking a few more steps together, they stood in front of a rack of lollipops. Oikawa reached out and picked through them, searching for cherry-flavored ones. “Makki and Mattsun probably won’t be much help, they’re not creative with names.”

Iwaizumi hummed. “True. I think I’ll ask online, then.”

Blinking, Oikawa remembered something. He turned around to face Iwaizumi and asked, “What were you doing on Ushijima’s blog?”

“What are you talking about?” Iwaizumi tried to look innocent, but the fidgeting and inability to make eye contact gave him away. 

Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi’s chin and stared into his soul. “Hajime, I know you’re lying. Give it up. It’s useless to hide from me.”

“Now you sound like my mom,” muttered Iwaizumi. He heaved a sigh and confessed, “I wrote an [anonymous post](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344765/chapters/55940857#workskin) on there one time. I deleted it later though.”

“Why’d you delete it,” whined Oikawa. “I want to read it. What was it about?”

Iwaizumi pulled Oikawa’s hands down and picked up a random green lollipop. “Look, it’s a, uh, green tea flavored one.”

“Iwaizumi Hajime.”

In a voice that was barely audible, Iwaizumi said, “It was about you.”

Oikawa crossed his arms. “More.”

Iwaizumi pushed air through his nose angrily and pulled out his phone. “It’s too embarrassing to say it out loud. I still have the draft, though. Knock your stupid self out.”

Eagerly, Oikawa snatched up his phone and began reading. “Ohh… huge crush!! Wow, Iwa-chan, I’m really liking this so far… wait, Makki knew about your crush on me? And Mattsun too? They also knew I liked you. Why didn’t they set us up?”

“I made them promise to never tell you anything. And I think they tried to get us together. Many times, actually.” Iwaizumi had his hands pressed over his eyes. 

“Ah, that’s true... hey, what do you mean worst personality in the school? I’m going to hit you. Oh~ exceedingly pretty face, eh? I guess I forgive you for now… Iwa-chan. Iwa-chan. I cannot believe you tried to imagine other people’s face over mine!” 

Iwaizumi peeked through his fingers and hissed, “What else was I supposed to do?”

Oikawa puffed his cheeks out. “I don’t know.” He tugged at Iwaizumi’s hands to see his angry blush and blew air into his face, giggling as Iwaizumi reached out and tweaked his nose in retaliation. 

“Say, Oikawa, how do you know about this blog? How did you know that I went on it?”

Oikawa froze. All the posts where he’d publicly thirsted and pined for Iwaizumi ran through his mind, and he suddenly found that he couldn’t meet Iwaizumi’s eyes. 

“Shittykawa.” It was _that_ tone of voice, the one that assured Oikawa he wouldn’t even be given a chance to escape. 

That wouldn’t stop him from trying. “Yes, Iwa-chan~?

“Spill it.”

Oikawa considered running away, just bolting and tearing down the street. But since that day they’d tasted cheap cherry lollipop on each others’ lips, he hadn’t run from Iwaizumi. Not once, not ever. He smiled in the face of his impending doom. 

“Fine, but only ‘cause it’s you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about writing an extra about what Iwaizumi does after Oikawa runs away (in chapter seven), but I'm not sure if I can add another chapter to a completed work. I'll also probably write about the origins of the blog next. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading this fic! Your kudos and kind comments have me crying with joy :,))


	9. the green house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An extra featuring what Iwaizumi was up to after Oikawa ran away (the first time).

extra title here [x]

“Iwa-chan, push me!”

Iwaizumi mentally sighed. Oikawa was going to do something stupid again--he could feel it in his bones. But he’d always had a weakness for that annoying voice, and he’d paid the price for it by dealing with his antics for years. What was one more?

Looking over at where Oikawa was sitting on the swing, face full of glee and anticipation, an involuntary smile spread over Iwaizumi’s face. In a teasing tone, he asked, “What are you, seven?” 

As he gave Oikawa a light push, Iwaizumi repressed the automatic flush that threatened to rise every time he touched the setter. _You smack this dumbass every other day,_ he reminded himself. 

“More!” 

Oikawa wasn’t seven anymore, so a light push wouldn’t get anywhere. Grabbing the ropes, Iwaizumi put his arm muscles to good use and pulled Oikawa back. When he let go, Oikawa gained enough momentum to begin swinging. 

They stayed in that moment for a few minutes, Oikawa swinging and Iwaizumi pushing him while listening to his happy giggles. The back of his best friend, curved and somehow thin-looking, brought back a slew of childhood memories. Iwaizumi remembered how Oikawa used to beg him to push him, since he couldn’t start swinging by himself. The memory caused Iwaizumi to laugh too, blending with the sounds of the outdoors and Oikawa. 

“Iwa-chan, I’m gonna jump!” Oikawa called out suddenly. Iwaizumi barely had time to think _oh no_ before Oikawa flew straight out of the swing. The relief that came when Oikawa landed on his feet was quickly replaced by horror as Iwaizumi saw Oikawa trip a little, on his right knee. 

Iwaizumi ran over and grabbed Oikawa to steady him. “Oikawa! Your knee- damn it, Shittykawa! Why would you do this!” 

He knew he sounded frantic and was overreacting, but it was hard to quell the instinctive panic. “Iwa-chan, I’m fine. I used to do this all the time, you know,” said Oikawa, blinking innocently at him. 

Not caring that he was probably spitting into Oikawa’s face, Iwaizumi continued, “That was ten or eleven years ago! You didn’t have volleyball, or a bad knee, or- what if you broke your leg or landed on your head?” 

Oikawa only stared at him, red faced. Iwaizumi forced himself to look away and hauled Oikawa to his feet. “Let’s go, dumbass.”

Iwaizumi ignored Oikawa’s soft apologies and just continued to walk, trying to clear his head. _Remember what you came here for._

Right--he’d come to Oikawa in order to confess. In the past few weeks, he’d been noticing strange behavior in his best friend, and if Iwaizumi was really being honest, there was a possibility that the weirdness was because Oikawa liked him. And if there was a chance, he was going to take it. 

Matsukawa had asked him if he was afraid of Oikawa rejecting him. Thinking for a few moments, Iwaizumi had replied that yes, he was afraid of rejection, but he didn’t believe that their friendship would be broken so easily. Oikawa, although having a terrible personality, wasn’t one to throw his friends away over something like this. Iwaizumi hoped. 

_What are you even doing?_ Iwaizumi asked himself. _You’re supposed to be figuring out if he likes you and how to confess, not getting mad and spitting in his face._

He barely noticed as the scenery changed, passing through the playground area and into the neighborhood. There were only the thoughts swirling inside his mind, bringing doubts and fears and hopes to the surface. _I like you, Oikawa Tooru_ was the one thing that remained constant. 

“Iwa-chan, look, it’s that house,” Oikawa said from behind him, but Iwaizumi hardly processed the words. 

That voice. It had changed from high-pitched and annoying to cracking and annoying to deeper and still annoying. Yet it would always be one of Iwaizumi’s greatest weaknesses. _Damn, I really like you._

Iwaizumi turned around and met Oikawa’s gaze, noting how the other seemed to be looking at his chin or lips instead of his face. 

He looked at his best friend, tall and muscled, in the prime of his life, with a future that shone bright as a star. 

He looked at his childhood friend, grown up with admiring fangirls and an unhealthy dose of false confidence, but still as soft-hearted as he was when he was only seven, unable to watch bugs be killed. 

He looked at his unrequited love, sensitive and insecure, quick to temper with the most knee-weakening genuine smile he’d ever seen. 

He looked at Oikawa Tooru, owner of good genes, a personality to match, a will of steel, and Iwaizumi’s heart. 

_I like you, too much._

Is what he meant to say, but what really came out of his mouth was “Oikawa. Do you like me?” _Well, that’s basically the same thing, right?_

Iwaizumi watched Oikawa with trepidation for his response. To his alarm, Oikawa looked like he’d just been struck with lightning, so fearful was his expression. 

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa’s eyes darted away, just for a second. That and the nervous tremor in his voice was enough for Iwaizumi to know that Oikawa was faking ignorance. 

Iwaizumi took a step forward and started, “Crappykawa, I’m not-”

Before he could finish his sentence, Oikawa turned tail and started running. Shocked, Iwaizumi could only stand there and watch him run away, figure fading into the distance. He gradually became aware of a sour feeling in the pit of his stomach, making him feel queasy. Sinking down into a crouch, Iwaizumi proceeded to freak out. 

“Why did he run away? What did I do?” he muttered. “He knows that I like him right? There’s no way he wouldn’t.” He continued grumbling to himself on the sidewalk, uncaring that he looked like a madman. 

Suddenly, there came a tap on his shoulder. “Young man?”

A tall woman wearing glasses was standing over him with a worried expression. Iwaizumi would guess that she was in her sixties or seventies, but he wasn’t too good with age. Looking around, he realized that he was squatting right in front of the green house that Oikawa had always claimed was inhabited by a witch. 

“You’re the witch,” he blurted. _Oh shit._ Fumbling for words, Iwaizumi tried to correct himself. “I mean, the one who lives in this house.”

The old lady smiled. “I guess my house looks like it’s haunted because of the color, but I’m not a witch. Are you alright though? You look rather pale.”

“I-I’m okay,” stammered Iwaizumi. “Just, uh, resting my feet.”

“It doesn’t look that way to me,” hummed the witch, no, the kind lady. “Does it have anything to do with that brown-haired boy who left earlier?”

Iwaizumi focused on the concrete beneath him, blinking hard. “Yeah, it does.”

“Would you like to come in and talk about it?”

“Oh, um, I’m sorry but I can’t go inside a stranger’s house, sorry,” rambled Iwaizumi. 

The woman only smiled again. “I’m not a stranger. You’re Iwaizumi Hajime, am I right? You’ve really grown up nicely, dear.”

Iwaizumi’s mind spun as he tried to figure out who she was. “I-I don’t, how do you know who I am?”

“Look again, Hajime. Tooru would definitely have figured out who I was.” The woman stood up straight, looming above Iwaizumi from his crouched position. From this height and angle, something stirred in Iwaizumi’s memory. Could it be-

“Sato?”

The woman gave him an approving look and nodded. It was indeed Sato Himari, from his childhood days. For that first summer when Iwaizumi and Oikawa were seven and finally allowed to be on their own outside, she’d supervised them every day. How had he not connected her with the green house?

“Now, come on inside.” Iwaizumi stood up, knees popping, as Sato walked towards her house. 

Inside, the house was bright with natural light streaming in from the windows. Sato gestured for Iwaizumi to sit down on a small couch, with a glass table in front. Disappearing through a door for a moment, Sato returned with a bag of crackers and two water bottles. 

She sat down in a chair opposite Iwaizumi and picked up a cracker. “Tell me what happened. Did you bully Tooru again?”

Iwaizumi choked slightly. “N-no! Why would I do that?”

“Hajime, you always hit Tooru when you thought I wasn’t looking.”

“Uh-” Iwaizumi could deny nothing. “I didn’t do anything like that this time. Promise.”

“Then,” Sato leaned forward, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “You finally told him that you loved him?”

“How-”

“You always bullied Tooru because you liked him, Hajime. Before either of you knew it, I could see it.”

Iwaizumi took a gulp of water. It was futile to deny anything to this all-seeing witch. “I asked Oikawa if he liked me. And he ran.”

For a few seconds, Sato was lost for words. “You…”

“Yeah, he probably hates me now.”

“Hajime, I don’t think he knows that you like him.”

Iwaizumi frowned. “How could he not? It was as good as a confession. He ran away, so that’s a rejection.” All the worst possibilities were spilling out of his mouth, unbidden. 

“At the very least, Tooru doesn’t hate you.” Looking up, Iwaizumi met Sato’s honest gaze, framed with rectangular lenses. 

“How do you know?”

“Tooru hasn’t ever hated anything or anyone. You know that, don’t you? He’s a kind boy.”

Iwaizumi blinked back the tears that were suddenly threatening to spill out. “I know. I know that better than anyone.” 

Oikawa, although petty and arrogant, had never hated Kageyama or Ushijima. He’d been jealous of Kageyama, sure, but he didn’t hate the boy. Iwaizumi believed that Oikawa merely viewed Ushijima as a major annoyance. 

Sato simply drank her water and crunched on crackers, watching Iwaizumi’s internal struggle.

“But humans all have the capacity for hatred,” Iwaizumi said after a short silence. “There only needs to be a reason.”

“I don’t believe you are that reason.”

“You don’t know that for sure,” burst out Iwaizumi. 

Sato nodded. “I don’t.”

Iwaizumi groaned and put his head into his hands. “What am I going to do?”

“What are you going to do? I think you need to ask Tooru.” At Iwaizumi’s horrified expression, Sato reached out two slim fingers and pinched his cheek. “Don’t be like this, Hajime, moping around. I thought you were a strong, brave boy.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“No.”

“Hajime.”

“Fine. I’ll try to talk to Oikawa tomorrow,” huffed Iwaizumi. He felt like he already knew what was going to happen: Oikawa would either run away, scream for Iwaizumi to get away, or both.

Sato stuck out her pinky. “Do you promise?”

Iwaizumi met Sato’s eyes. They were kind and genuine, with laugh lines in the corners. He wrapped his pinky around hers. “I promise.”

As he exited the house, holding a bag of crackers, Iwaizumi headed the way he’d come from instead of going home. He had a book to pick up for a certain idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is the very end :) thank you very much for reading

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bringyourcat)


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